NOT GOOD ENOUGH, NOT PRETTY ENOUGH, UGLY all these words swam round and round my head in the summer of ’94. I developed or got these little red like spots all over my legs. One morning I woke up and there they were from the top of my thighs right down to my ankles,I was devastated, shocked, scared, worried and so many other things the list is endless. I ran to my Mom and asked her what did she think and she said the words I didn’t want to hear…but the words I had said in my own head minutes before. It looks like PSORIASIS Marie OH MY GOD, NO NO NO NO …
WHY ME ? Why ? Oh Why? So a trip to the Doctor confirmed my nightmare. Yes its Psoriasis. I knew what it was as both my parents have it. I blamed them firstly and then other things. It was so unfair. What is psoriasis you may ask well here’s a little insight, Psoriasis is a long-lasting autoimmune disease characterized by patches of abnormal skin.These skin patches are typically red, itchy, and scaly. They may vary in severity from small and localized to complete body coverage.Injury to the skin can trigger psoriatic skin changes at that spot, which is known as Koebner phenomenon.
(Image from Wikipedia)
So I knew the second the Doctor said PSORIASIS that was it, I have this horrible, vile, disgusting skin disease for FOREVER yes the rest of my life. NO CURE , ZERO, ZILCH. I’m a young teenage girl, loving Fashion and Boys.Wanting to look my best always. Even though I was wearing my school uniform 5 days a week, I wanted to be able to roll that skirt two inches higher or wear those funky socks (not the drab grey ones we were meant to wear) but all that was taken away from me. I had to hide my legs from now on. Why not my sister or the girl down the road…but those thoughts didn’t help.
But these are the emotions I went through and it went on for a long time. I WAS DEVASTATED!!!!!!!
The steroid cream treatment began. Every morning and every evening. Keeping my skin well moisturised so it wouldn’t look scaly and be all flaky. As if I hadn’t enough to do. Doing my hair nicely or rolling my skirt up an extra inch were what I was worrying about before all this happened. Life changed and I changed and I hated it, I hated me for a long time. I kept it a secret from everyone for a long time. My best friend knew and she said it doesn’t change who you are. But those words were like water off a ducks back.
So as you can imagine or you probably can’t as only a sufferer would. That I had to constantly keep them covered. If I had P.E I would change in the showers so no one would see my legs. Never wore shorts as people would know. Even on the hottest day I would be wearing trackie pants in PE, and two pairs of the blackest OPAGUES every single day to cover my leg’s. Kids would ask why the hell you wearing tights its roasting, and I would just say no I’m grand. Someone once commented are you like GODZILLA under those (laughing) I just wanted to run away & cry but I acted the hard Biatch and told em where to go.
I hated myself, I hated my legs and then it appeared on my elbows. I was like great life can’t get any worse. I should be just worrying about boys and homework. Not this !
So I asked so many questions and heard that UV Light was meant to help with Psoriasis so I begged my Mom to bring me to the Salon and enquire about sunbeds for Psoraisis and she did as she knew I was so upset and would have tried anything to help me with the severity of my condition.
My first session began and I would go down every few days after school to go on the sunbeds. There was me in my school uniform tanning myself, well that’s what people would have thought. But it wasn’t for the Golden goddess look I was aiming for it was an ease to my skin condition and slowly but surely my Psoriasis started to fade. I had a break for about two/three weeks and did another session by the end of the second sunbed session my Psoriasis were completely gone from the front/back of my thighs and legs. But there still was a bit on both knees (psoriasis love the joints) but to me it was a massive improvement and I felt that I could live with that.
From the age of 17 on I NEVER EVER wore any dress or skirt without tights EVER. It is so sad isn’t it and even now as an adult a grown woman and mother of four I will never go around on a sunny day with my knees out, the only exception would be if I’m just back from holidays and the sun has improved them. Then they are hardly noticeable I may pop em out briefly but I’m still so self-conscious of them. My hubby would be like you have gorgeous legs show them off I’m like, no way, people will see my Psoriasis. I think its different for a woman sufferer than a man. I could talk about it all day but hey I think I have made my point. I just wanted to share my story and tell you how I felt.
I still hope one day they find a cure for Psoriasis as it’s a terrible thing and I still hate it but I have adapted to living with it now. I just hope none of my kids get it as they say its thought to be genetic disease. There are five main types of psoriasis: plaque, guttate, inverse, pustular, and erythrodermic and several different treatments out there it’s trial and error and see what works best for you.
It is not contagious so don’t worry. I was asked once in a nightclub of all places what had happened to your hands? Is it contagious ? Did you burn them? I was like yeah I burnt them, and walked off. Don’t jump to conclusions people don’t make assumptions and open your mouth with wild guesses! Just ask ! Back then I more than likely would have fobbed it off not wanting to explain it. But now its a little different. Hence the post as I hope and feel that it may help or benefit others knowing that you are not alone, I understand. The fact its incurable is a kick in the head but that’s life it can be a BITCH sometimes and we have to deal with it and move on, learn to adapt and cope. The weather, food, alcohol, stress and products can all effect my Psoriasis hugely but each case may be different. Like for instance when the rain is coming or the weather is really horrible my Psoriasis can become really red, irritated and sore. Mine improves with sun.
Below are some photos of my hands. This was so so incredibly hard to do and as I’m typing this post I’m even thinking is this the right or wrong thing to do? Do I want people to know my secret ? Should I write and publish this ? When I look at the photo’s below I just hate it, my hands are UGLY at times when my condition flares up and I still wish they would disappear but I know it will probably not happen in my lifetime or maybe it will, finding a CURE that is ! But at times when my psoriasis are at their worse I feel like I should hide and I do hide “them” as best I can. In photos and when I’m out I try to hide them as best I can. The skin on my hands has also thinned slightly due to using a steroid cream another down side.
You get the picture right. I also have psoraisis on my knees. But I feel like I’ve shared enough for you to get the picture. Over the years I have used so many different types of creams and rememdies that I’ve lost count. But at the moment I am loving MooGoo which I purchased at Mellerick’s Pharmacy Fermoy
They are an Australian company with an entire range of natural and gentle products that are made with effective ingredients and no gimmicks. Check out the entire Range here
If anyone has just discovered they have Psoriasis or has it and want to share their experiences or products their loving please leave your comments below. I would love to hear from you !
Thanks for reading
Love Marie XxX